The Pandemic on Hey Dudes

This is a great honor bringing this to light. After squatting on this take since early 2020, I could not let this be overshadowed by the actual Pandemic but, enough time has passed to where I feel as though this will truly be a warning to those who do not already know. The Pandemic on Hey Dudes is real. What started off as two Italians trying to make a comfortable shoe, turned into giving people excuses to not dress nice, look older than you actually are and kanckles. As you can see in the graph above, sales increase with the older men get. The amount of people that have fallen into this trap is astonishing and almost cult like. By God the sales would make anyone's head implode, according to CNCBC sales are forecasted between $700-$750million in 2022 (see picture)

Hey Dudes go on sale on average $29.95 a pop, lets round up to $30 because its going to be easier for the viewer so fuck off and deal with it if you're a decimal stan. Anyway, if I know sales like I think I know sales that would mean roughly 24.2 million pairs of Hey

Dudes would be sold.

I'm not sure about you about but as a sales guy I truly only care about sales projections trends in the US, Luckily enough over the last 2 years the research I have put in has lead me to these areas in the US to be the most problematic (the bigger the Hey Dude the more problematic the area)

First off, fuck you topography is sick look at all the mountains and shit.

Carolina/Tennessee Area

Beach, mountains, country music, skiing, being cucked, lake houses and more the Carolina/Tennessee area is the most heavily populated area for Hey Dudes in the country. The company's HQ is in Los Angeles CA but it should be in Nashville, Charlotte or Myrtle Beach with the amount of wanna be surfer, country singers or an injury away from the pros guys, this area alone accounts for the half the Hey Dude US revenue.

Arizona

The Grand Canyon, the desert, cacti, Moorman leak from Utah, pueblos, quads and more the Arizona region is the second most populated area for Hey Dudes and it is in a distant second. Comparing Arizona to Carolina/Tennessee is like comparing LeBron to MJ. Nonetheless over the other 5 regions Arizona has the larger gap between them and the other 3 regions.

PA/Maryland Border

This is a specific call out to anyone I know who lives around here that owns a pair of Hey Dudes. Throw them out, they do not go with anything and it looks likes you still own plaid cargo shorts

Colorado

Colorado area comes in at number 4 but it basically tied with the Florida Georgia line in terms of population. Colorado has a vast weather climate and bears so Hey Dudes seem natural, they don't. What the fuck are you doing wearing a hybrid sandal/slipper in the mountains for.

Florida/Georgia Line

FL/GA comes in basically tied for that 4 spot but I put them here because it's my list and my research. From a literal name of country band if the FL/GA line could talk I think it could only say "Hey Dude" in the grossest way possible. The Gators the Dawgs who gives a fuck take off the Hey Dudes.

All in all Hey Dudes absolutely suck ass as a shoe and no one should own them or even think about owning them. This has gone on long enough and I hope those of you who do own Hey Dudes really start to reconsider things after what I just laid out for you.